When I told the SRC exco members that my weakness was that I emo a lot, I wasn't kidding. I really do. Sometimes this emo overwhelms me, I can't concentrate on doing anything right.

I agree that everyone is imperfect. There is bound to be a flaw in someone. If it's not on the outside, it's gotta be in the inside. It just doesn't show yet but time will tell. Just like beauty, it may not be on the surface but maybe it's deep inside.

Just like everyone, I have so much flaws on the outside. I got so bothered, I find means and ways to cover them up and ended up being, ugly. It bothers me so much, I can't perform well nor think well. This mindset got to end here. I want my self-esteem back. I want my happiness back. I am not going to care much about what people looks at me, literally. I won't use the surface to charm them. But I wish they could open their eyes big, use their heart to feel what's good inside me one day.

Well. I should be happy that my heart broke because I knew that the feelings were real at least. Though in reality, I ended up with nothing but still better than being with someone out of infatuation. Probably the time has yet come and I am rushing into things. Gotta learn how to sit back, relax and find back that old self of mine before it got degraded to this state.

Life will be alright.
I have my friends and family by my side.
Nothing more I could ask for at the moment.
Anything that comes, is a bonus.

  Thinking about so many things.

One good news. I am no longer on the rebound.

Bad news. The heart has shut itself.

It's like, you know you want something but your heart and mind keeps telling you not to touch it anymore. 'cause one day, it'll hurt me.

But you just can't stop thinking about wanting it...

Oh god. What a mess I got myself into.

School faster start and take my mind off these things...

Inception was GREAT! Love that show.

Then I thought, can some memories get extracted so that I can be happy, real happy once again?

Memories stays and bad one haunts forever.

I wish these memories can be erased, replaced or modified.

=(

 I feel like changing my blog into something more organized, neater and nicer. Any recommendations?

Oh gosh~ I simply hate my workplace people. 2 in particular. Seriously, do they have an attitude problem, so big, they just gotta show to the rest of the world how fucked up their faces are? I mean, being ugly on the outside is not your fault but inside too? Gosh! God must have hated you to the core. I know I am a bitch and ranting brings me bad karma but I've been keeping this anger and frustration for 6 freakin' years! Ever since day 1, I hate you to the core. Everything you do just disgust me to the max. Then when I came back to work after I ORD, here comes another freakin' biatch. 1 is bad, 2 is never-ending. Are the both of you like twins? Rotten to the core. The only thing that move is your mouth and it stinks! Why would Sushi Tei need two fugly biatches to just talk, command people and slack one corner. This is going to be my final warning. One more nonsense and I am going to complain you two, fugly twins, to the extend your work permit gets cancelled!

Went for biathlon training yesterday. Felt like a big noob! Seriously, I don't know how to swim freestyle. Lucky for me, a nice senior took the responsibility to train me from scratch and now I can swim freestyle! Just not that fast and smooth yet. But I'll train hard yea! =) I am so looking forward to more training just that I hope to make more friends. =( It's kinda lonely in the team, no one to talk to or consult. Argh. I am sucha nice guy! Why you all don't come and talk to me? I am not dao. I'm just, shy...

I am so freakin' broke now. Bank only left with $9! Wallet less than $50! No more entertainments for me and more work. Ugh~ Gotta see the fugly twins more often. Geez... But for now, can't wait to meet the gang and watch Inception on Saturday! Woo hoo... Oh! Thursday party, The Bash, at Supperclub too! No clubbing for me on Saturday! Gonna start being a good boy, save money, drink less and sleep early. =)

I felt somewhat relieve after saying it out today. I may be a little upset because the situation doesn't change but at the very least, I don't have to hide and suffer anymore. I should not expect any changes to be made but just hope for someone better to come into my life. That's about it.

Even if the whole world hates you just know that these 4 people love you, that will be good enough.
1. Yourselves
2. Your family
3. Your really really close friends/besties
4. That special someone

 The last phase of studying before I becomes a full-time adult. I want to make this last phase a GREAT one! But, I am so shy and always last minute chicken out. How to make new friends or join CCA? Ugh~ I don't care. I'm going to be thick skin!! I am going to delete most of my games and focus on studies and CCA! I promise this. =)

Junguang say even when we were to study masters, it won't be the same. True. Come back as uncles and join CCA? LOL! Biggest laughing stock in the history man. So I gotta join as much as I can and enjoy every last bit of it!

We were chatting about pickup lines and we've gathered these few...
From RP Samuel: People call me Samuel but you can call me tonight.
I said: Is your name Summer? Cause you're hot.
Sue said: Is your father a terrorist? Cause you're a bomb!
I said: Are you a thief? Cause you stole my heart away.
JG said: Do you have a map or compass? I just keep getting lost in your eyes.
I said: I feel real safe down here. Cause you have those bomb shelter. =D

I went to goggle and found these!Am I dead Angel? Cause this must be heaven.
Did it hurt. (She replies: Did what hurt?) When you fell out from heaven.

Ok~ Damn cheesy. LOL!

Ahh! I am so bored. I need entertainments... HELP ME!

 Today work is totally crap! So freakin' busy! Don't give me the crap that the economy is not doing well or Singaporeans are poor. I hate work! Seriously, they deduct your pay when you're late even for 5 minutes! AND they don't pay you when you end work even 10 minutes later! WTF! I work to the extend I've stomach spasm and felt dizzy for awhile in the train. Zzz~! Felt like an abused foreign maid!

But the worst is still a heart break.

Have you ever love someone you can't love. Maybe because that person is attached? Just not into you?
You want to stop giving yourselves any hope but the heart struggles and hope to find a chance, a loophole...
The hungers for that person, feeds on your heart until your heart breaks and then you...,
Cry~

It is like a vicious cycle. Never-ending. Never fulfilling. Once hurt, always hurts...

When can my heart stop breaking?

I love supper a lot. Not because I can satisfy my hunger at night but to enjoy friend's companion in a slow and peaceful pace. Singapore is a seriously stressed up and fast paced country. People are so busy studying and working their ass off, they never know when to stop. And one day, when they stop, they feel lost and commit suicide. Great move. *clap clap* I'm so tired of constantly regretting not putting effort in my studies or I could be a lawyer or doctor blah blah. I know it doesn't help but seeing people around me striving for the best and me slacking like the rest, I can't help but feel guilty like a model just gobbled down a pint of chocolate ice cream.

In a slow pace, it feels like I have all the time in the world to think, do deep thoughts and self reflections. As usual, I become all emo and have the urge to cry. But not tonight. For who do I cry for? Why do I cry? Does the situation get any better? No. It's self pity and thats the last thing you want to do. To dwell in that pool of self pitying.

I'm so tired of waiting for something that seems so unreal. I may have always said that I would rather stay single but at times, I just wish for that special someone beside me. I can't help but envy people having that someone special to share everything with, enduring every thunderstorms together etc. But I don't want any match-making sessions! Don't need any introducing of friends to me! So awkward! I rather wait for fate to bring that person next to me. But it seems forever.

I may have gotten over "you" but seeing your picture still hurts occasionally. I know that I've given up all hopes to reconcile. Hopefully we can be good friends? I'll try...

Is it true that when you're drunk whatever you say is true? Haix~ Traumatized... I hope not. Or deep down I hope so? Argh~ It doesn't matter anyway. Nothing would work out for sure...

Ugh~ Being back from chalet is a good thing... At least I'm starting to get sufficient sleep at night.

It is May 1st. It is almost 4 months since then. As much as I would wanna believe that I've gotten over the whole thing, I have not. Once in awhile, when I think back, it hurts. I tried all means to not think about it but it's just futile. It sucks to be the one clinging onto something that was long lost, seeing that the other had moved on. Friends keeps wanting to introduce me to new people but that's not what I want. It's not about being attached, it's about being with the one you like.

I thought I would be stuck forever. Maybe I still am stuck but I don't feel despair anymore. It probably still hurts but I have accepted the fact, more or less. I can't wait for campus life to come, university, study study study and meet more new people to party with.

I feel like changing my blog, my MSN for good.

Last night was fun and comforting but with a slight amount of horror. I said too much to too many people who should not know, or rather do not have the need to know. I do not know why did I blurp things out but I just did. I'm the kind of people who doesn't like to bottle things up but I wasn't given much of a choice. Some things are best kept within.

I hope life will still be good and fun even if this little secret of mine leaked out.

I love you guys! WOOT!