Super busy! Ahh~ Uni application is open and I still lack of some materials. I am SCREWED! Recently, I have a penchant for swimming and running. Its been so long since I last had the motivation to do them. Gosh! I hope I can become real fit real soon. Next year Sundown Marathon, HERE I COME!

I gotta start finding part time job to earn some income to pay for my upcoming foreign language classes and overseas trip! So excited! I hope sis would bring me to Canada! I wanna see the outside world. Korea! Japan! Boston! Manhattan! New York! So many places I wanna visit! BUT I AM SIMPLY A POOR MAN!

I need to drive more often! I had my license a year ago but I drive worse than a newbie. Haha! Drivers better not see me on the road or you'll have a hard time. =p

No more clubbing. Seriously. Boring. Yawns. Pubbing or Bar is the new IN thing! The chillex life. =D

I am so happy to have so many friends around me. Especially when I am upset. My beloved besties from NAS! My nutcase GMPeeps... Xiao On clubbing mates!! Medics from medical centre. COY 3 & 4 mateys whom I thought forgotten about me but didn't. Even some very nice juniors from COY 5 & 6! I love everyone and thanks for noticing my mood swing for the past 2 weeks! Though I think I posted quite a bit on FB so its kinda difficult to not notice. LOL!

ARGH! Enough blogging. No one reads anw. HAHA! Gotta get going. Weekend is gonna get BUSY!

Super great day and I enjoyed my poly clique's companionship! I was late, as usual... We met at Novena Station and had a "wet" time finding udder, an ice cream parlour. It's been a long time since I smiled, laughed contentedly and forget all my worries and sorrows. I am so happy to have them by my side. Friends Forever GMP peeps... Had a great time catching up and talk about nonsensical stuffs.

The conclusion we came up from our nonsense...
First to get married is SOPHIA!
Last to get married is YQ! or ME!

Then we went to play L4D2 until Sophia went dizzy. LOL! So lousy. Old woman. =x

Next was dinner at ajisen. Aww~ I wanted to eat something new... Try new food, drinks etc. I must reinforce this new rule! Not to eat the same thing we ate before...!!! Must venture into trying new delicacies.

Then chilling at alleybar! GOSH! That place is so comfy and relaxing!!! Aircon, quiet ambiance, soothing lighting and all sorts of drinks. SEX ON THE BEACH is just like ordinary cranberry vodka. Cheat my money, I want to complain!! =x

Martini is nice...!!! Slurp Slurp!!!





From strangers to lovers to acquaintance.
I am so proud of myself.
When love became hatred, I had hatred changed into strength.

I am determined to run 42km Marathon and advance to 84km someday!!
When I master free style swimming, I would like to give Biathlon a try!!
I am determined to work in a bank and earn lots of money so I can enjoy life!!
I want to travel all around the world with friends!!
I am determined to master my driving so I could drive myself and friends around!!
I am determined not to use Singlish and improve my English.

Something I realized...
It is never easy to forget someone. But it is not impossible.
I am stronger than yesterday...

I've watched the show, It's Complicated. I totally understand how Meryl Streep feels in the show. Its like I am in her shoes except I don't own 3 kids and "you" didn't cheat on me. The husband she loves cheated on her and left her for someone much younger. Over the years, she stayed single and brought up her 3 kids while her husband is starting a new family with his new wife. Nothing much for him to be upset. She then slowly work her way out of this darkness and transformed into someone successful in her career, attractive, brilliant and charismatic. Then her ex-husband came running back to her after not being able to handle his new wife. Apart from the ex-husband, she had a new lover. In the end, she chose to give up on her ex-husband.

So many thoughts went through my mind.

Why did the husband left her for someone younger? Is age really everything? Or is career that important? Like I've said, you can have everything in the world but no one to share with. Younger doesn't necessarily means better. Then I thought, would your next one be better than me or worse? If its better, congratz, my loss anyway. If its worse, would you come back to me?

I hate my mind. Even until now, I am still keeping the faith. I can't really say that I'm like Meryl Streep because the one shining isn't me but you. You seem to be enjoying your life now, enjoying your time with your friends, being productive at work etc. Here I am, mourning about the loss. It just seems that it was a one sided kind of love. You told me it wasn't and you were still upset about it but I don't see nor feel it in any way...

I wish I could be like Meryl Streep, accept the fact that you're gone and recover from it.
I wish I could turn into someone successful and attractive in my own ways and find love again.
I wish I could have you running back to me because everywhere I go, I see you.
I wish I could be like her and reject her ex-husband coming back to her after hurting her for such a long time.
This, for sure, I couldn't. For now at least.

All that my mind can think of is your smile. You never show me any upset face until that day we chose to walk different paths. Sometimes i asked myself, why did I chose to like you and did I regret. Probably I didn't. Being with you was the best time of my life. Your existence gave me a different life from the somber one I was leading. Too bad, it didn't last long enough.

Argh. Maybe I really need to see a psychiatric. Some neutral to talk to.

I've thoughts of leaving Singapore for a month or half a year. I just want to see the outside world and not be reminded of the sad stuffs. Would anyone miss me? Guess not. My existence did not make any impact to anyone's life. That's the conclusion I came up.

I hate the life I'm leading right now. So dark, I can barely see any light in it.

I've locked my heart and gave you the key. You left without opening this lock of mine. Now, you are all I can think about who can help me get through this withdrawal syndrome. Can you help me? Please?

All the people in the world and you can still feel lonely. What's the point of having it all without the person you love? I need to start again, in order to fly. That's what i heard from Alicia Key's New song, Doesn't Mean Anything. My new motivational speech? The song is pretty emo but true. I can own the whole world and still end up being alone. Who would be there to share your joy and sorrow?

It was a tough week for me. Doing outfield cover which I detest totally and the time to daydream is never ending. I thought through a lot. Why suffer the pain and give myself false hope? Is it worth it? I used to think it was because being together is still possible but not anymore. It has been a week, nothing done. Its time I give up. Thanks for the memories.

I have to admit. I am not 100% ok, yet. But I am determined to be 100% alright. i am sure you will want to see my happy too.

I am still a happy man right? I still have my family and my friends. Staff was very nice to me during this period. Very cautious of my mood. Very thoughtful in asking me to get some leave to rest. Thanks yea. =]

*slaps my cheeks* Wake up call!! Time for some serious business...

There are some urgent things I need to attend to.
1. Apply for local universities
2. Train myself fitter to at least get a silver for IPPT!!
3. Pack up my room before CNY is here

My year 2010 resolutions!!
1. Start driving, seriously!!
2. Learn a 4th language! French? Korean?
3. Get a nice bod? Time to stop drooling and make people drool for once!
4. Be stronger, very strong, till nothing can break me down.
5. Get a new desktop for gaming
6. Get a new laptop for schooling purpose
7. Save some money for rainy days
8. Get rid of the soft the gentle me! Its a serious and tough Shaun!
9. Be sociable and make more friends! My target is 100 new friends!
10. Drink plenty of water and sleep more for better complexions!

Resolutions are always difficult to keep up with considering what a sloth I am. Haha... I'll try k? Probably I should start cutting down on gaming then will have more time to invest in useful things.

Mum got me my cupid doraemon! I must be nuts thinking that it'll boost my love life. (thanks to Doey for sprouting nonsense on fb)

I am off to enjoy my weekends! xD

XOXO
I am still a happy boy

I am constantly reminded of you no matter what I do, say or look at... Even the musics I listen to...

Songs that brings back painful memories...
- Starstrukk, I remembered we heard it on the radio and got hyped up about it 
- 1 2 3 4 , you sent me this song
- Bad Romance, what I am experiencing now 
- Forever and Always, what went wrong between us 
- Two Better Than One, what I hope for 
- You Belong To Me, what I wish for
 
Hearing them brings me back to the past when I listened to them with you. Suddenly, I hate iPod~ I hate music. I hate myself.

It hurts so bad. I wanna cry and scream at work but I held back. I wanna just run away from camp and to somewhere quiet and cry over there.

It seems you've moved on pretty well. You sound fine in your SMS. Work probably got me out of your mind. Your facebook seems cheerful. At times, I just dunno if you said you were upset were true. It doesn't matter anyway. Either way, you are not returning back to me.

There are so many things I would like to tell you but I guess it won't interest you anyway. I wanna meet you but I don't think you want.

Last of all, I forget the most important thing of all. Love is all about sacrificing.

If me letting you go would make you happier, I would let you go... I no longer wanna see you upset or vexed over me. As long as you are happy, I should probably be too. Well, one better than two upset people. =)

I Love You. =)

Goodbye...

I still don't understand... & I am trying to understand. What you've said, just don't make sense.

Love is about compromising and accommodating, right?
Every individual is different.
No one is born out to perfectly suit each other.
Its the time and effort they put in that makes a working relationship.
Even if there is this one person that suits you, so many common factors and interest.
How would you know he is the right one?
How would you know he'll like you?
How would you know there is no flaws with him?
How would you know, no problem will arise and eventually break up?
You should know them yourself.
Love has no logic and no standard formula.

It is never a suffering when it comes to changes be it a good or a bad one.
Ok, maybe the bad one is a suffering.
People changes over time.
If you think people's character and habit stays the same forever, then you are as ignorant as you were when you were 1.
Because you didn't change at all.
To change a little here and there for someone you love is worth it.
And when its worth it, its never a suffering.

You said that changing is a suffering.
But you are changing too.
You told me you don't like to attend social gathering or knowing new people.
But all I see is you attending them.
FYI, I did not stop you from attending them.

Being different makes the relationship interesting, at times.
It may bring dispute when each other can't see eye to eye.
But when you start to enter each other's life, you learn and experience more different things than what you used to.

No relationship is a bed of rose. Quarrel, fight, cold war...
That when effort comes into the picture.
To give in, compromise and accommodate with each other to fix the problem.
If you don't quarrel then that's the problem.
It just show you are SNI, Simply Not Interested.

Don't see so far. What marriage. What the problem would come back a month or two and we would eventually quarrel.
BULLSHIT.
I don't see that far either. One step at a time.
You don't try, you never know.
Try, at least there is a 1% chance?
Don't try, confirm fail.

You've said that the impact would be lesser now than in future.
Dragging on would cause more suffering.
That's cause you don't put in the effort to discuss with me and solve the problem.
And it still hurts. So so much. Flashbacks of the past time, just adds a slit onto my heart.
I see so many couples quarreling. Having so much differences. But they are still together. Because deep inside them, they know that...
they love each other and is willing to sacrifice for their love ones.

You didn't give me a chance. Nor give us sufficient time. 2 weeks and you can see the future. I should probably call you a psychic.
If you are so scared to try and get hurt, dragging a longer relationship would hurt much more, then stay single forever.
Love is about trial and error.
Nobody gets attached with the right one on their first relationship.
Time will prove it.
More problems can't be solved when when its discussed? Just not the right one.
Some problems and some can be solved? Right one?
If you think smooth sailing, everyday is loving and no quarrel? Dream on!

Am I possessive? Did I say you gotta reply me instantly, 1 minute time?
Did I say every free time we both have, we gotta meet up?
Did I say you can't message your other friends?
Did I stop you from meeting up with them or spend time with your family?
You had your exams, I tried my best not to message you, not to distract you.
You said its ok and it would cheer you up.
Even so, I control the amount of SMS sent to you.
After your exams, I just hope to see you after 2-3 weeks of not seeing you and you think that its suffering? That I am taking too much of your time?
You got all the time to meet your friends, attend your detestable gatherings but not spare that 1-2hour on me?
It is unfair to me and I'm willing to swallow them because i simply like you.

My world just keeps collapsing. It just got destroyed in an instant. I'm so afraid of the emotional wreak I'm going to get. Honestly, what did I do wrongly? Why is god always punishing me in such a cruel way? Why is it always so short lived?

Can someone please lend me their shoulder to cry on?

Human are always not satisfied with what they have. They want more. They want perfection. They want everything under the sun.

Greed was born.

How does it feels to find out that this perfection has a flaw. Duhz... Nothing is perfect. Everything, everyone has their flaw. Even I have my fair share.

I don't wish to say much.
I don't wish to complain.
I don't wish to drop hints.
Because it'll become meaningless.

Somethings, you have to use your heart more than your brain. I've used my heart, have you?

There is no formula for love. No logic.

Xmas is coming. We shall see. I should have my answer by then.

Emo over something joyous. How ironic! As much as I would rather be happy and immerse myself in this joy, somewhere deep within my heart is crying and shouting. I nearly cried. I am totally speechless.

It felt like an excuse.
I feel like a tool, a plaster to stop your bleeding temporary.
It seems like you are confused, to the point I doubt if I'm what you are looking for.


Would it have been better if we didn't know each other from the start?

Please. Don't wait till its gone before you start to regret.

Pundeh... People who leaves comment can write your name? Or i don't know who am I dealing with. Haha... MS Tai's GF likes to read my blog uh. HAHA!

Weekend chiong clubs is a horror! So tired! So dehydrated! Body aches! HEART PAIN! Wallet empty le...

New Moon is such a draggy show initially. The climax is only at the ending part. However, a bit no link. Never talk much about the red hair blood sucking bitch, and why is it called new moon? Just because some wolves appeared? Lame... And why she pick a pale man instead of a STUD! Eyes tia stamp!!!

This weekend is so FUN! Went a lot of places that I won't bother going. Either cause its not near my house or requires transport. Listen to many new songs! WOOT! I obtained a lot of songs! WEE!!! Ipod Nano not with me at the moment. Waiting to meet someone then get back.

I feel so much happier these days. Is it because of... you? I hope so... I think so... Thats what my heart says... What good deed did I do recently to deserve this big prize? I hope it lasts forever. I don't wanna go back to the dark gloomy emo days. Anyone who reads this, don't bother asking. Won't reveal a single shit. HAHA! Those who knows who I'm refering to, DIAM!

I am super broke now. Wan ask me out think 3 times before asking or else, literally PAY for asking me out. HAHA!

SLEEPY! orh orh le!!

I’m utterly disappointed with myself. Since young, my mother always tells me I’m smart but simply lazy. I doubt her statement, even till today. I have serious case of Short Term Memory (STM) and what I learnt or read about could vanish in a blink of an eye. Seriously, how am I supposed to succeed like that?

During the stay in PRC, I felt damn disgraced with myself. Why? Because I don’t dare to play scrabble with my juniors! Gawd! It’s like I know I would lose even without the need to play. My grammar and vocabulary is of a Primary 6 student standard. At the rate that I’m speaking in broken English and Singlish, I can prepare to fail any interview in future. ARGH! I am such a BIG FAT LOSER!!

Everyone in my cohort seems to have gotten a place in the university. They know where they are heading. They know what they want to be in future. They are pursuing their dreams. Everyone but me. I don’t think I can get into any local university with my grades. Even if I do, I doubt I can take up a course that I like. Even if I could, I don’t know what interest me or what I would like to be in future.

I AM SCREWED UP!!!

What if I were to end up like Ris Low? Hi I am Shaun Tan. Currently I am majoring in my… NOTHING! Right now I am studying STEEL! Oh wait! I mean, NOTHING!

Can someone enlighten me?

Time passed so slowly these 2 weeks. It’s probably due to 2 weekends being burnt. My motivation level decreased and thus, I’m not performing well in my job scope. I’ve been lazing and my brain simply, shuts down and refuses to work. Hopefully, this long break would rejuvenate me!! xD

Next week gotta work hard! Ganbatte!!!

YoonA!!! Haha!!!

 Lately been having so much fun. So much things happened. Hong Kong Trip, Red Beret, Junguang's 21st Birthday Chalet. However, I'm still not exactly that happy. There is this one particular problem I've yet settle. Or rather, I don't know how to face it anymore. I'm scared of making a wrong step and end up regretting the choice I made. Ahhhhhh...

My leg hurts. This one freaking big blister on the heel of my left feet is giving me a hard time walking. The heat rash on my right thigh is itching like nuts. Argh~ 72km is a killer!!! Thank god its OVER and I've gotten my beret, like FINALLY! Now is to look forward to ORD.

I'm waiting for midnight. So I can take a stroll nearby. Listen to my iPod.

I am sucha escapee. Gosh~ Wadda bitch I am.

 I've so much things to blog. Everything is cramping in my head, my brain is going to burst soon. I wish I had another brain to share the load. I hate this year, a lot. Not only is my working giving me crappy shit, NO ONE CELEBRATE MY 21ST BIRTHDAY WITH ME!!! Sad!! Which makes me think, "Why ah?" I concluded, I don't have close and happening friends. Jean and Seige have been best friends with me since the death of Wei Choo, so we are kinda like a family now, don't celebrate also won't mind cause we know we have each other. BUT! Army lei? Poly lei? Sec sch lei? NO PRESENT ALSO! Like that next year I celebrate my 21st Birthday again! This year not counted!!

Mr. M is giving me extra problem to screw myself with. Leonard go leave only, he have to come dispensary kao pei me and ask me to study all the medicine. I understand that its my responsibility but 3 days to memorize everything is kinda impossible plus why must know so in-depth until why use frusemide when the lungs is storing water due to the heart or whatever shit. I need to explain to patients all these meh? Kao pei... Geh zhua leh. Then got a lot of antibiotics, some he know is for what problem then prescribe but when he don't know he use this excuse, "You just need to know its an antibiotic. Anyway, I don't prescribe this medication a lot so you don't really have to know." Then faster go to the next drug. WTF! Then some others also don't give out at all, he must say me then those he don't know, he come up with such lousy reasons. LOSER!!

Next week I'm doing weekend duty. Sad. Haha. Who likes to burn weekends in camp man. Following weekend, in Hong Kong!! Which means for the following 2 weekends, I'm not free. Oh well. Who cares. Not like people would jio me out. Haix~ Sad life of mine. My circle of friends from uncountable to countable. I wish I am surround by a lot a lot of friends and have a happening life! Make it... BOOMS!

I am so tired, physically and mentally. I wanna relax!! When is my relax time? OJT coming... More work or lesser work? I dunno man. We shall see.

 Happy 21st Birthday to Lim Shi Xiong!! Thanks for the treat at Swensens!!

I miss the good old days. So OLDSKOOL... Gossip and talked about those days.

- Sylvia low being a tyrant, tearing people's book and making billy do repeated action
- Mrs Sim being called OHP due to her height (I started it)
- Ivan hiding in the toilet for 1 period because he wanna siam English lesson for not doing his homework
- I drew Ivan a luo han yu and then sneezed blood during maths lesson
- Boon Seng and his dramas
And many many more...

I miss those days! Luckily we still stay in contact! Love you guys!!

I miss the good old times. When I was still a pure, innocent little kid. Now that I grew older, learn more, seen more, experienced more, I feel more depressed. I'm becoming someone I don't wanna be, I'm leading a life I don't wanna lead. I lost so many good old friends, miss all the good old times I had. The new people I meet are all A-class assholes that traumatized my life but no more. Gonna put an end to this miserable life. I've made wrong moves but I'm correcting them, now. I won't let my character rot anymore. Trust me. For once, I'm determined to change for the better. No more big words and it starts with me, right now.

- Good old friends who are seeing this freaking blog right now, contact me if I've lost contact with you all ok! -

L.O.V.E.S

 I've thought it through. No use being paranoid and over-worried over work. The task is already mine, just do the best I can right? If I make a mistake, no regrets because I did my best. Learn from mistakes and deter from making the same mistakes again. The price to pay is burnt weekends. =(

I'm starting to feel that my senses are dull. I've no fashion sense, no sense of humor, no knowledge nor expertise in anything which makes me total useless bum. Gawd! How unfair! Why am I so below the lousy category! No wonder I've nothing to be proud of which makes me a low self esteem piece of shit.

Love is nothing compared to Friendship!
Love needs more time and commitment than Friendship.
Love is being judged and compared against and not Friendship.
Love hurts so much more and often than Friendship.
Love don't last longer than Friendship.

I am saying these based on a general point of view. Its true that a BGR needs to spend plenty of time to nurture and you are being committed to that specific individual. You belong to him/her that meeting a new guy/girl brings jealousy, suspicion and end up in a quarrel. People tend to judge how loving a couple is but doesn't pay much attention as to how close 2 friends are. That is until that 2 friends went into a fight. But, no gossips is juicer than a couple break up! When BGR break up, both sides weeps and go haywire. When 2 friends ignore each other, the mindset goes, "Life is still the same. With or without you, I'm still fine. Not like you are anyone important or special. Humph~"

It comes down to the conclusion that love brings more restrictions. Its like a high end gambling. Bet more, win more or lose more.

Why bother go into a relationship when you can get companionship from friends as well?

Love makes a person weak and blind. 95% you'll end up in misery. The 5% is if you get married. Considering that you get married 1 time in a lifetime, you get to go through 20 BGR. Thus, 1 out of 20 BGR is your husband or wife. But in this 5%, divorce is possible right? Argh~

I am such a pessimistic person when it comes to love.